I Actively Hate Living Here, but I Am Thriving in My PhD Program

March 28, 2022

At least once every day, I am walking my dog in rural/suburban Western Massachusetts and I think, "All my friends are in New York City making plans to go out right now. Instead, I am dropping my dog off at daycare and going to work out with soccer moms."

I miss the city! I miss walking everywhere and walking fast. I was scared to move here because I thought I would hate it and guess what? I DO. I just want to be able to put my headphones in, start walking, and then BE somewhere where I can DO something in a reasonable amount of time!

Me rn:

There are many things I hate about living here. Here are the main ones:

1. You'll probably need a car.

When I visited UMass as a prospective PhD student, someone told me that the difference between a happy student and a miserable, depressed grad student was a car. People will tell you that you can get away with biking or public transportation, but biking isn't feasible in the winter, and public transportation options get worse and worse the further you live from campus. Also if you live close to enough to campus to walk, your nearest grocery store is at least a 4 mile walk AND you probably live next to undergrads who are getting impaled on fences. There's always Instacart, but what about those of us for whom a visit to Target is therapeudic?

2. The weather sucks.

In undergrad, I read Ethan Frome and spent a class discussing the significance of the name of fictional town Starkfield, MA. This is Starkfield, MA. The days are short, it's so cold, and a smash-up would probably be the most exciting thing to happen here in years. The summers are unbearably hot, humid, and bug-infested. During the spring and fall when temparatures are bearable (pleasant, even), you will find me being held together by all the over-the-counter antihistamines money can buy.

3. The neighborhood vibes are not great.

In the 9 months that I've lived here I have (a) seen a Confederate flag license plate in my neighborhood, (b) heard my boyfriend be confronted by a woman who said he "didn't look like he lived here" in the yard of the house that he owns, (c) received an anonymous letter from a neighbor complaining about us storing our recycling bins in front of our house, and (d) been accused of leaving empty mini bottles of alcohol everywhere even though we live next to a high school.

4. It's so boring.

Almost nothing is open late and sometimes I walk to the 7/11 on my street just to feel alive (I miss Wawa). Suburban New Jersey had farmers markets, county fairs, nature trails, AND big concerts were accessible. I bought tickets to one show in Boston and then bailed because of the sheer effort of getting myself to Boston and back (why is there no train?!), plus I would have had to stay the night in the city.

If I actually wanted to sell you on Amherst-the-area, I'd do some point-by-point rebuttal of the things I hate about living here and spin them into contrived positives (There's so little to do here that I spend all my time working on my research!). Instead, I'm going to write about the things that make living here bearable, and tell you why I don't regret coming here even if I don't like it. In no particular order:

1. It's cheap.

The cost of living out here (especially rent) is so low that I have money to do things that make life worth living: having a dog, living in a place big enough to host guests, traveling.

2. My friends visit. A LOT.

In the twelve months that I've lived in Massachusetts, the same college friends have visited 4 separate times. For my birthday, 8 of my friends traveled over 3 hours to stay with me for a weekend. Friends attending graduate programs in California and Pennsylvania have come to visit. It's not hard to sell a little trip out to rural Massachusetts to my friends who live in the city, plus I have the luxury of two guest bedrooms for them to stay in.

3. Excellent school fit.

So research fit alone probably could have convinced me to come here: I get to work with literary data AND humanities professors. That's all undergrad me every hoped for. But also, my advisor has great vibes. We have compatible work styles (I don't get judged for submitting something at 4am that I started at 3:30am). He doesn't care if I (encourages me to?) skip class. We share trivial priorities like having snacks at lab meeting. I had an unfortunate experience TAing for another faculty member and he supported me throughout the resolution process. I got an urgent call from doggy daycare that my dog needed to be picked up right away, and he let me bring her to school. I don't feel like I'm wasting time constantly trying to justify why I'm doing what I'm doing. My neighborhood did not pass the vibe check, but I'm lucky that my lab does.

Additionally, UMass CICS has a Director of Inclusive Education & Teaching Support, Emma Anderson, who is absolutely amazing. I always refer to her as the "Computer Science Wellness Person" because in addition to being in charge of the TA system, she is also available for any College of Information and Computer Sciences (CICS) student to talk to about anything that's troubling them. I showed up to her office once and was just like, "I don't like change. I don't really want to elaborate any further." It's no secret that maintaing your mental health is hard during a PhD, so you should make sure your PhD program has a designated wellness person! Additionally, the UMass Graduate Student Heath Insurance plan is excellent (love using the Wellness Reimbursement on ski trips) and covers actual mental health services (cannot recommend therapy enough). I'll tell anyone who will listen that the dental insurance covers twice the recommended two yearly dental cleanings.

4. My boyfriend, among many other things, cooks dinner for me, and is fully aware that I plan to get the hell out of here ASAP.

It would be remiss for me not to mention the emotional and housekeeping support I get from my boyfriend. A couple evenings a week, I'm at the gym until late evening, and my boyfriend will cook dinner for me so I still have time to take the dog out and work before bed. A non-negligible amount of my stress is from living in a place I hate, so anything that allows me to mitigate that stress is great. We're both in agreement that we are leaving Western Mass as soon as my PhD is done. We have different city preferences (him Boston or DC, me NYC), but my only requirement is that I won't need a car. I should also probably mention that I never would have met my boyfriend if I hadn't come to UMass.

5. Attitudes towards remote work have drastically changed.

I actually like going to the office much more than I thought I would because the dogs can't bother me while I'm working, but it's still a 25 minute commute for me. Being able to attend things like lab meeting and reading group online has given my schedule a lot of flexibility, not to mention it enables me to do my favorite thing: leave Western Mass and work from somewhere else.

The takeaway here is that I, personally, am finding ways to be happy out here even though I am tired of waking up across from cows every day. My cubicle in the lab contains my favorite tea (Tazo Earl Grey) and a fluffy purple blanket. I'm going make the biggest collage of pictures of my friends, dogs, and memories over the summer to decorate it. I love the little community at my gym. I write this post not to offer advice, but rather another perspective: not all aspects of your PhD are going to be good, but if the pros overwhelmingly outweigh the cons, you'll survive making a couple of sacrifices. Also, it's cute that I think I'd be able to afford going out every night if I was a PhD student in NYC.